It should be unnecessary to point out that this is satire. However, we live in an age where the truly impossible is frequently believed.
Scientists have commented on the recent and seemingly impossible fact that the sun rose in the west yesterday. All the major news sources have reported on the phenomenon. FOX News Channel was the only cable news channel to exhibit any skepticism: explaining that they would have to reserve judgment. Polling data reveals that 92% of the public agreed with the news networks and the scientists.
NASA spokesperson, Emil Kleinhuhn, speculated that this event might have disastrous consequences and may have been the result of President Trump’s failed policies.
A CNN news report showing what appears to be the sun rising in the east is attributed to an optical illusion. Representative Jerry Nadler has initiated an investigation.
In spite of the almost unanimous agreement that the science is correct, there remain skeptics. Fred Probitatis of the Goddard Space Flight Center, who had originally denied the phenomenon, was found unresponsive in his living-room this morning. The cause of death was ruled a suicide as a result of three bullet wounds in the back of his head. He appears to have become extremely depressed by the reaction to his skepticism.
Facebook and twitter accounts of several deniers have been blocked and several deniers have complained about their employment being terminated. Jennifer Stultus, star of stage and screen, has apologized for her original skepticism and has announced that she will be leaving Hollywood and will be joining a convent in the south of Italy.
It has been revealed that Harry Bremse, a major advocate for the deniers, has several sexual harassment charges against him from women he knew thirty years ago. He has a long history of making outlandish claims that have failed to come true and is a one-time leader in the birther movement. It appears that many of the deniers are white supremacists.
Greta Thunberg has attribute this event to climate change. Although Vladimir Putin has denied Russian involvement, there is strong evidence that the Russians were involved. The FBI and the CIA will continue with their investigations. Apparently they have obtained a dossier from a reliable source implicating the Russians. Anonymous sources at an undisclosed location maintain that the dossier is fully verified. President Biden has vowed to make the Russians pay a price.
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